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lost and all alone
in this world of hate and fear
sitting here and weeping,
watching every falling tear
i wish i had the strength to be there
for you in every way
but right now i dont have the strength
to make it through
today.
you'd never know by looking
that my insides are turned out
but one day maybe you'll notice
and maybe sense my
doubt
everything i'm doing,
it can't be right you see
everythign in life
it comes so easy right to me
i take for granted everything
and i know i'm hard to please
but this one thing i ask of you,
i'm begging on
me knees
just take away all this pain
and push it far aside
dig me out a cave or hole,
any place to hide
come on you say, face your fears,
it can't be all that tough
well what the hell do you know,
my life can sure
be rough
sure i've got everything a girl could want
a great family, and friends and too
but there's parts of me you'll never
see,
no one will, even you
i know you're always there for me,
and yea i know you care
but how can i begin to heal
when the problems aren't
to share
i dont know what i'm thinking
and i dont know what to do
all i know is i feel so alone
and nothing is good enough
for you
please forgive me for ever trying,
it was futile i should've known
so take my heart, and take my soul
and destroy
it on your own
you've been slowly killing me,
i'll never be the same
one day maybe i'll wake up
and not even know my name
i dont know if that would be so bad,
i guess its hard to say
but all i know is sometime soon
i'm going far away
you may say you'll miss me,
but i know its all a lie
hell you probably wouldn't notice
if i laid down to die
~ALP 05-24-05
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I wish i could say i'll help you
Together we'll make it through
I
wish i could promise to be there
And to always say i love you
How many times have you been there
and you know
just what to say
I wish i could be like that
And help you through each day
What can i do to be there
To pull
you through this mess
I've exhausted all my sources
I really tried my best
I'm sorry that i failed you
And
i'm sorry that i care
But the feelings i hold for you
Are so much more than fair
I dont know how you're feeling
If
you keep it bottled up
So open up and talk to me
Let me see whats in your cup
How often do i sit here
And
take the time to ask
How are you doing today
but life just goes so fast
If there were more hours
or minutes
in a day
Then i'd spend them all with you
and take your heavy burdens away.
I wish that i could promise you
I'll
try harder than before
But as i think about it
I cannot give you more
I'm sorry i'm not a mind reader
And
i'm sorry i dont know all
I can only stoop and catch you
When i know you're going to fall
I know you know i'm
here
And that i'm just a call away
It doesn't matter when or where
Middle of the night or middle of the day
So
please dear friend i'm begging
Before you pull that knife
Think of all the people that love you
Before you take your
life
~March 15, 2005
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Best Friends Forever You Said?"
I thought you said
you'd be there until forever and a day
but through the course of these past few years you've slowly slipped away
Its
funny how things can change and friendships are gained and lost
But i wonder how i'll make it through this life being tempest
tossed
I thought you said you'd be there, you'd never leave my side
But i realized i had lost you, and i burried my
head and cried
so many things have changed you see, and i know its not just you
We have both grown up and grown apart,
and it is my fault too
But as we go our separate ways i hope you'll always know
that no matter the miles or fights we
have you've effected me more than i show
As we venture into this life and as our ways sadly part
I hope you know and
realize you'll always be close to my heart
Good friends like you are hard to find but know its always true
no matter
where you're at or what you do i'm always here for you
So dear friend as we move on i have one last thing to say
I love
you very much and thank you for helping me make it to today
~February 2, 2005
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"This
Sinners Prayer"
I knelt before the Lord tonight and silently I cried
I give up and I surrender, I've nothing left to
hide
As i knelt there telling him all that I'd done wrong
I felt his presence in the room, and started to feel strong
"Dear
Lord" I cried through my tears and the pillow where I hid my face
"I am so unworthy to feel your presence in this place
I've
done so many stupid things and i know I'm hurting you,
I never meant to fall this far, its not what i wanted to do
I
wanted to have a little fun, to live life to the best
Now i see these oportunities were Satan's little test
All these
things were silly and hurt me in the end
The cost was far greater than it appeared at the start of the trend.
You promised
you still love me and i know you keep Your word
But to love a wretched sinner as i, it surely seems absurd
So Lord I
ask you not to take this hurt of grief or pain
I only ask you to look upon me through the blood of your Son who was slain
The
man who knew no sin but died upon the tree
For the wicked, wretched, vile, yes those men just like me.
My father thank
you for all that you have done
For loving me enough to send your own beloved Son
For listening and hearing this wicked
sinners plea
But most of all, my Father, for always loving me
~ALP 1/6/04
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I Saw You"
I saw you in my dreams last night, I saw you standing
there
Dancing freely in the rain without a worry or a care
I wish i felt like you do, had your love of life
But yet
i walk on alone, in this world of strife
My friends seem far and distant but i love them just the same
I know that they
dont realize the suffereing and the pain
I know that you're so happy, and thats so strange to see
For a teenager
to be happy, it just amazes me
Your love of God's Amazing it shines in all you do
There is no doubt in all my mind that
others see it too
I saw you in my dreams last night and you invited me to stay
I must have been so foolish to turn and
walk away
But now you see i'm happy too, but it isn't magic powers
Its taking time to dance in the rain and stop
and smell the flowers
~ALP 1/6/04
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Do
You See?"
Stop and take a look around
See who you're trampling on the ground
Dont you care what you're doing to me?
I'm
falling apart can't you see?
I put myself here, yea i know
but i was looking for something to show
somehow i wanted
to stand and be known
show everyone out there that i've chagned and i've grown
I'm not the little girl i used to be
i've
grown up a lot, take the time to know me
If you see me there on the ground
dont bother to stop just step around
everyone
else does it so why not you too?
its so much easier than to get into the zoo
yes the zoo of my life that didn't change
i
know you may think that i'm a little strange
but take the time to know me and pretend that you care
when i walk by dont
just give me a blank stare
i've made my mistakes, yes more than a few
but most are all private, ones no one knew
the
happiness i felt has gone far away
now the sunshine and warmth do nothign for my day
the laughter you hear and the smile
you see
its all fake, just ignore it like you ignore me
so many things i do are so insincere
im going through the
motions, i'm not really here
so unsure about teh future and so dissappointed with the past
i hope i can do something
right and make teh good feeling last
but what do i do when nothing is right?
I cant go through a day or even a night
without
shedding tears because i'm so unsure
just hoping that someone will find me a cure
a cure for the loneliness and the
doubt that i feel
the feelings of separation so cold and so real
i dont know who i am and i dont know what sets me apart
i
just know that all i need is someone to see my heart.
i try so hard but it all is in vain
i dont mean to hurt you and
cause you this pain
sometimes i just wonder, why am i here
i guess we'll find out, with the fall of the next tear
11/8/04
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"When's My Turn"
Always the best friend never the girl
Never the one who
makes their head swirl
Always alone with not even a kiss
Without a boy for her to miss
Just once she'd like to be
that one lucky girl
Who could come into his life and change his world
It seems she'll wait forever until she gets her
chance
That chance for a kiss or even a dance
To have someone hold her and touch her lips
To come up behind her and
put his hands on her hips
They're all so much prettier of this she's aware
Of her witt and her charm the boys dont seem
to care
How long does she have to sit here and wait
For one to come along and seal her sad fate
She's always the
best friend and never the girl
Never recieving the kiss to make her toes curl
1/12/04
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Time Traveler"
I wish that i could turn back time
and go to a place where
things were fine
I knew only love, and none of this pain
It was a time of sunshine not rain
This time was not so
long ago
I felt that this could ease the flow
I made a mistake and i admit
I thought i could hide and cover it
But
now i see that it's to great
To cover it up so this is my fate
I lost something wonderful that i had
And when i think
about it it makes me sad
I was so close but i screwed it up
And now this feeling has reached the top
This feeling
of loneliness that i bear
Hidden beneath the smile i wear
No one can see the true me inside
So i'll return and behind
my smile i'll hide.
11/16/03
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"The Mask"
This girl so lonely sitting there
Quietly shedding every
tear
But into the world she must return
Tho seclusion is where her desire burns
She sits and cries and then she must
ask
What would she be without her mask
the mask that hides her grief and tears
the love she holds and the things
she fears
Her mask in place she heads back out
into this world with pain and doubt
don't worry she'll be back and
the mask shoved aside
for when she's alone she doesn't have to hide
she'll curl up in her ball and hide her face
then
put on her mask and continue her race
maybe someday she can truly be
who she is and set her self free
but until then
u'll never see
the girl behind the mask is me
7/29/03
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"The Sunset"
watching the sunset your arms around me tight
nothing
else matters we must be a sight
your arms around me our fingers intertwined
what would people think if they knew we
left the world behind?
i bend my head back and you kiss my lips
i snuggle close and you put your hands on my hips
i
sigh and stare into your beautiful eyes
those beautiful eyes that know it's ok to cry
you look right back and lean in
near
with your arms around me i have nothing to fear
what would i do to stay like this til the end?
for you, my love,
to be my only friend
the sun is gone and still we sit
the pieces to the puzzle seem to fit
we belong together that's
obvious to see
i for you and you for me
the sun will continue to rise and fall
but you my love are my all in all
5/26/03
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"Daddy's
Girl"
She used to be a good kid, her daddy's little girl
But
venturing this sea of life her sails became unfurled
She was the perfect child, what anyone would want
Smart pretty
not a care in the world, quite honest and often blunt
then she went to highschool and yes she really tried
but that
little spark that kept her going, it burned out and died
You're still a good kid her friends say and your parents don't
know the truth
What you do to mess up your life is totally up to you
Go ahead and take a drink, it's only one or two
Your
Parents wont know and it makes you feel better when you're feeling blue
What happened to that good girl, who brightened
up my day?
She's lost and wandering in this world facing alone what comes her way
-5/13/03
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Nothing
Left To Live For
I've nothing left to live for, nothing left at all
I've lost the One who loves me most somewhere in
my fall
It seems no one cares for me or the burdens that i bear
I can't give them to you anyways if you claim you care
They're
permanent in my heart, my heart so dark and drear
I've journeyed off the well worn path and lay trembling here in fear
I
could choose to point fingers and try to cast the blame
But it's my fault, mine, not you but me these burdens are in my
name
I feel so alone here i know i don't belong
in this world of sin and pride where i'm encouraged to do wrong
I've
nothing lieft to live for, nothing else at all
i've lost the one who loevs me most somewhere in my fall
-awhile ago
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Inside
Out"
If I were only beautiful i'd be the apple of your eye
You'd
want to hold me close and love me til i die
if i were only beautiful i might find one who cares
i'd have someone who
wants to see me and give his life to share
well you shallow jerk you will one day learn it's not the looks that count
you
silly boy you should know it's inside that matters not out!
-5/15/03
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"That
Little Girl"
She used to be so happy, not a care in all the world
Now she cries herself to sleep at night that lonely
little girl
the little girl who loved to sing now has no song in her heart
you ask what took her song away, well where
would you like to start?
it isn't a loving family or money that she lacks
what she needs are honest friends who'll never
turn their backs
the few she has they come and go, not seeing something's wrong
what happened to that happy girl who
was never without song?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Put Her Out Of Her Misery"
Put her out of her misery,
she doesn't know what to do
She thought her friends were many, but apparently they're few
What a way to start that infamous
sixteenth year
Alone and wishing she were dead, any place but here
she lays in her bed in the middle of the day
tears
stream down her face, she's at a loss for words to say
is she crazy? she's to young for love at least that's what they
say...
how could she let that wretched boy get so far in her way
put her out of her misery, she doesn't know what to
do
She thought her friends were many, but apparently they're few
~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"The Knife"
There she sits with knife in hand
all of this for a stupid
man?
how can it be a girl this strong
could let it hurt so bad so long
"i'll get over him this time" she says to
herself
and returns the knife unused to its shelf
she works so hard to get him outta her mind
to move on with life,
leave that boy far behind
Two weeks have past and still no luck
boy this love stuff sure is tough
there she sits
with knife in hand
all of this for that one man
she never felt a pain this strong
or had an ache that lasts this
long
it'd be so easy to end it all
without a thought, her final fall
what a fool to think she had a chance
to
hope for a kiss or even a dance
her friends are few and far between
visiting places she's never seen
no one is there
to lift her head
no one would care if she were dead
this hole for herself is one she made
sheltered with no one to
say "I love you babe"
there she lays with knife in hand
she killed her self for that man
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I
Just Want To Hold You -
My friends say you're a mean person
You could never make
a good boyfriend
But i don't care
I just want to hold you
You come here and hang out
we talk all the time
but
you still don't know
i just want to hold you
I long for that special glance
do you even realize me?
My
special glances towards you?
I Just want to hold you
I want to be yours
i yearn for your love
just one
special touch
i just want to hold you
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"here
we go again"
I promised myself i would never love another friend
But
that promise came quickly to an end
Everytime that you are near
I s but another time i hold dear
I struggle through
times we're apart
But know you're never far from my heart
You're so oblivious it makes me grin
If i were to flirt
anymore it'd have to be a sin
I'm far to timid to admit this to you
That's something someone wiht self-confidence might
do
So until i gather the courage that's posessed by so few
you'll never know how much i love you
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